ultrasound

today we had an ultrasound of the baby, and i am very happy (and incredibly thankful) to report the baby looks great. anywhere between 6-8 pounds, still has plenty of space and fluid and is most definately head down. it was fun seeing the baby's face and hands. i would, however, much rather see the baby's face and hands outside of my body.

tonight i feel tired. it is probably due to a number of things - the first of which is the 2 hour walk/hunt tim and i went on before dinner to track down some castor oil. ready or not here we go - beginning tomorrow morning. i feel completely nuts for doing this, but this is our last ditch effort before medically inducing the baby. i am not so secretly hoping the baby comes tonight - as a gift to me so that i don't have to drink the smoothy tomorrow. but if tomorrow comes and i drink the smoothy... well... - at least it will make for a good story.

prior to being pregnant i did not realize how much i would learn about sacrificing for my child before he/she was even born.

ready or not... here... we... go...

if you don't hear from me tomorrow - it could be any number of things. 1. i am so uncomfortable i just couldn't write, or 2. i am having a baby. i am hoping for number 2

a healthy baby

we are incredibly thankful for the good report of a perfectly healthy baby.

it was also nice to practice driving to the hospital and checking in and making our way up to the maternity floor. it will now be even easier when i am in labor. the nurses were very nice to us. and the midwife met us at the hospital for the test.

they hooked up a fetal monitor and a contraction monitor to my belly. the baby was monitored for about 30 minutes. my favorite part was when tim leaned in close to the baby and talked to the baby - the baby's heart rate went up in response to his voice. i would like to think the baby knows his/her father's voice.

the midwife also checked my progress and things look good. no major jump in progress, but my body is still very ready for action.

we have an ultrasound tomorrow. and some tea to drink in the mean time. if we make it to wednesday we have a smoothie with caster oil to drink. :) and thursday we have another non-stress test scheduled. if we make it to thursday we will begin to talk about formal induction. we are praying we do not make it to thursday.

in the mean time we continue to wait - filled with thankfulness for the reassurance that the baby is doing well.

please pray

we have a non-stress test for the baby this morning at 10. please pray. i am doing ok this morning - going through a lot of different thoughts and emotions. ready to meet the baby, wanting the baby to come when it is the right time, being discouraged with all of the waiting - ultimately wanting the best for the baby.

thank you so much for praying and for being with us during this time. it means so much to me!

we are still here

a dear family friend, jill, recently had a beautiful baby boy. he is her third boy and came just when he wanted to - 11 days late, one day before she was scheduled to be induced. every morning she would wake up and say to herself, "well i am still here."

and so i say - "well i am still here."

filled with peace. knowing the baby will in fact come. and, although slightly uncomfortable, resting. this time has been like none i have ever known before. i really just feel like sitting all day. my stomach is bigger than i ever imagined it could be. and i am finding sweet moments with Jesus throughout the day. moments i may not have had if the baby had come 'on time.'

so i am still here. thankful. waiting. trusting.

thank you for being still here with me.

deep cove

the family came up today and we went to deep cove for the early evening. it was wonderful to see all of them. we even had fish and chips for dinner and gelato for dessert! :) a perfect night for a pregnant lady.

tim and defense - excited about the fish and chips.

baby we are waiting for you :)
defense and jacob
mom and dad
thanks for coming family!! we love you so much and hope we get to call you soon to come back!!

party in my belly

and i think it is big enough that if you wanted to join bud, you could.

so here we are - saturday morning. my family is coming up to hang out for the day. it is a beautiful morning here in vancouver. and i think we will have pancakes. every meal i eat i wonder if it will be the last one for a few hours... last night tim and i went out on a date, which was very very nice. we are tying to take advantage of these days together.

we are thankful the baby continues to be active inside of me and appears to be doing quite fine. the baby being full term is a huge blessing, which we do not take for granted. and if bud waits a few more days to arrive - well we will be just fine. i have no doubt one look at his/her precious face will wipe away any memory of discontentment i have felt this week.

the Lord is good. we will be holding a precious gift soon. and we will be a family.

thank you again and again for your prayers and encouragement! they mean the world to us!

friday the 26th

sounds like a nice day to be born. we will see. so far we are still here. i slept better last night. and the sun is out. who wouldn't want to be born today? :)

at this point we have an ultrasound scheduled for next tuesday afternoon to check on the baby and see if everything is still ok. and i imagine we will also have a stress test for the baby monday or tuesday as well, which will probably be scheduled today. we are hoping we don't get that far. but i feel like i am finally at a place where i would be ok with it all if we did.

my body is a great mystery to me

the appointment with the midwife went well - progress is being made. but we are still waiting. i flux in and out of contraction patterns - remembering all of it brings us one step closer to holding the baby. if the baby has not arrived by monday we will begin to look at inducing - do a stress test on the baby and an ultrasound. we are hoping we don't get that far.

thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers. i certainly feel surrounded!

midwife appointment

at noon we have an appointment with the midwife. i am hoping for some progress and the making of a plan. it feels like the time is close. thanks for waiting with me!

so much for the new moon :)

the new moon night was last night. and although i had trouble falling asleep - once asleep i was relatively uninterrupted. so here we are. one day closer to welcoming baby bud into the world... whenever that day comes. my newest theory is bud wants to wait until his/her auntie defense has a few days off from work - so to ensure she is able to get here asap and be well rested. very thoughtful of bud. d's last night of work for a few nights is tonight. i personally was hoping to be able to use the cool pager system to get a hold her at the hospital, but it looks like baby has other plans.

my mom is coming up for the day!! it will be great to hang out with her.

marley and me

OH MY?!

when tim was at the store tonight he offered to get me a movie. and when he mentioned marley and me - i asked him to get it- fully knowing i would cry. but really wanting to see the movie.

well we finished it not too long ago and my face is still flush from all of the crying. the movie was SO good, but i did cry through most of it. tim gave me credit for making it through half of the movie without crying. i do think my weeping was mostly related to my very pregnant state, but i also think a person who has any love in their heart for dogs would cry.

i do feel better after watching the movie - something about having a good cry - an emotional release. and who knows... maybe i broke some emotional barrier and the baby is now totally free to come into the world in the next 24 hours. :)

(or if vickie knipp's theory about the new moon holds true - things could just be perfectly aliegned to motivate the baby to come out).

well rested

this morning i am thankful for another good night of rest. and probably mainly due to the sleep, i am finding my mood is much more positive. nothing new to report. just wanted to check-in.

i have a good feeling about this week...

sunday, sunday

june 21. due date. we are hanging out. faith is monitoring the neighborhood. tim is recovering from a minor soccer injury (nasty rug burn on his knee), although he claims he is "good to go and could play soccer today if he needed to." and i don't think bud can move any lower in my body.

well. we are going to take faith to the park. i am having a better day today. but it was rough sitting in the church pew. i have reached a new level of "huh - this will be nice when this isn't so difficult/uncomfortable." but all in all, good spirits.

happy father's day!! dad i love you. you are amazing. i can't wait to see you as a grandpa - you are going to be the best! ken - thank you for loving me as your daughter. so excited to see you in july! gabe - you aren't my dad and but i think you are a freaking amazing dad too!

feelings of disappointment

i thought for sure last night was the night. 11:30 - mild contractions start, but i am able to fall asleep... for a while. 1:00, 2:00 am - up for a few min. 3:00-5:00 up for 2 hours with regular contractions every 8-10 min. thinking... this could really be it. asleep for 20-30 min. wake up. nothing. what?! well i guess i will just go back to sleep. up at 6:30, 7:30, 8:30. nothing.

low point.

have a good cry. reminded of truth by my amazing husband: the baby will come, the Lord has numbered the baby's days, He is in control - He desires to lavish His love on us and reveal Himself to us during this time. He will use this for good.

get myself together and go watch tk play two games of soccer.

i just got up from a nap. because after an emotional and not so restful night i am tired.

the baby's coming is soon. and i am thankful i am not uncomfortable, just very excited. and so to be so convinced the baby would be born today and then have everything stopped so suddenly was hard. but my body is now one step closer.

faith totally knows something is up too. she was very concerned for me all night long. she has stuck close to me since we have been home. and extremely affectionate.

thank you for your prayers. the Lord is certainly using this time, this week, to shape me. again and again i find myself saying, "i surrender." for your glory Jesus - i surrender.

good morning

good morning from vancouver. tim and i have been soaking in the days together. he is taking a bit of a break from school, with two of his classes behind him and wanting to be rested for the baby's arrival. we have loved resting, walking, watching movies, playing fetch with faith in the park and, as of yesterday, hanging out with our wonderful neighbors.

i am thankful for another good night sleep. although my hips are killing me.

tim will play soccer tonight and be in a tournament this weekend, assuming the little one stays put. a nice father's days gift to his/her dad, as my mom pointed out. it seems fitting really that tim should get a good fill of rest and soccer before becoming a dad.

so yes, we continue to wait. but in this moment i am ok with that.

trip to the midwife

we saw the midwife this morning, and she was very encouraging. the baby is in great position. the baby's head is at -1 and i am 1-2 cm dilated. all that to say - we are making progress but there is still much that needs/will happen before baby bud arrives. it could be tonight... or it could be next week. so we continue to wait.

thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. today i feel full of peace. knowing and trusting the timing will be right.

made it another morning :)

and i actually slept better. tim prayed last night that i would either sleep better or the baby would come. well i did sleep better. until about 5:30 and then i couldn't get comfortable in bed so moved out to the couch for a few more hours.

the mosers made it back safely. and the noise upstairs this morning brings a smile to my face. faith looks a little shell-shocked but i think she will recover.

well i am off to make breakfast - i think i am going to make it a big deal - pancakes, strawberries and bacon.

oh - and the way some people count it i am 40 weeks today! :)

pre-labor

this pre-labor stuff is a lot of work :) last night more than any other previous i thought, "this could be it..." i was up for 1.5 hour intervals with contractions (10:30-12:00, 2:30-4:00, 5:30 - sometime). and this morning when i woke up my uterus felt like it was tight/flexing without any let-up, but also without any obvious contractions. tim and i just got back from a walk. my uterus still feels tight. but still no major contraction pattern.

last night i kept praying, "Jesus please give me a sign." sign being: water breaking, mucus plug coming out, bloody show type action (sorry for the graphic reference - i don't know how to put it more gently). no such sign has yet been given. or not that i have noticed. still praying for a sign :)

and so we wait.

the mosers will be home tonight or tomorrow, maybe bud wants to wait for his friends to arrive.

tim also basically finished the work on 2 of his 4 summer classes yesterday! so we are ready.

and if we make it until tomorrow we have an appointment with our midwife at 10:00.

Lord we surrender to you, your timing - again and again.

flag day

6 years ago today tim and i were married. we have enjoyed a wonderful day together - flowers and coffee, church service, trip to deep cove (park/small town right on the water not far from our house), fish and chips, reading and resting outside, playing with faith. for life as we know it is about to change.

reflecting this weekend - we both were in agreement that the time is certainly right to add another to our family. the Lord has done a good work in our relationship, although not easy - but good. and we are delighted to serve and love another person together.

in baby news - i was up from 2:30-4:00 am last night with contractions. i was about to wake up tim when i fell asleep. the baby continues to feel lower and lower in my body and it is clear things are happening to prepare for the labor. so stay tuned... it could be sooner rather than later...

last day of work picture - 39 weeks!

to celebrate my parents took tim and i out to dinner! and we had an incredible meal. probably the last one the four of us will have just us for a while. my mom is coming up tuesday to hang out with me. but i probably won't see my dad again until we are at the hospital. it certainly won't be long now.

trip to the midwife

we had another appointment with the midwife today. she reported the baby's head is quite engaged in my pelvis. and i definitely feel like the baby has dropped. this evening i had some more intense contractions and felt a very strong urge to clean. but let us not jump to conclusions. :) it certainly is, however, a welcome reminder that before we know it baby bud will be here! the baby's heart rate and my blood pressure continue to be good. and i finally feel motivated to pack my hospital bag.

my last day of work is tomorrow. it is time and i am ready.

question

are women who are almost 39 weeks pregnant typically more emotional than ususal?

because i sure feel that way. :)

a break from work

after a crazy, full week and a half of training the gal who will cover my mat leave i am tired. i thought writing a quick post would be a good break - and it seems fitting to write a new post about being done with work as a therapist, for a while anyways.

my last day is june 12th - yes, that is friday. (ps - yeah for brooke for having her last day of school today! now she has the summer to enjoy ellis!)

in canada i am allowed to take 50 weeks of maternity leave. yes, 50 weeks. the pay is partial but the deal is incredible! tim and i feel extremely blessed to enjoy this benefit of being in canada.

when i return to work is up in the air - having never been a mom i don't know what it is going to be like or how i am going to feel. i have told my supervisor i will let her know my plan by october 1st and that the earliest i would return would be march 15th.

this break from work feels much different than my last break (when we traveled to israel jan 2008). when we left for israel i was very much ready to take a break as a therapist - having worked a LOT at 3 different places (at the same time), being pulled in different directions. i don't feel this way now. i am enjoying my work with the families and feeling connected to the community. i do not feel tired or burnt out.

i am excited to be a mother - more than words can describe - but i also know myself well enough to know i need to be thoughtful about the transition. i am leaving my work in the community to focus on my work at home. and this change is unlike anything i have ever experienced. i would covet your prayers as i transition.

i feel incredibly blessed to be surrounded by support - in so many ways, but thinking about daily life stuff - tim and i are over the moon that drew and bekah are returning. having bekah upstairs is going to be a great, great, blessing! and having my mom, dad and sister across the border (and armed with nexus passes to quickly cross) is another HUGE bonus. plus our good friends kurtis and erin are just 5 blocks away.

the Lord is good. and as i move forward - looking with joy towards this change - i am thankful for the reality of His presence with me. and i wait in expectation for the ways He will shape me as i love this precious one He has given us.

(i realize this is a bit random - but i myself am still putting it all together - again, realizing i need time to process). :)

a helpful hint

due date: june 21
although i will be 40 weeks on: june 18th

not sure why the dates are different, but there you go.

a guessing game

for those competitive and not so competitive readers out there - here is your moment to shine.

i invite you to cast your best guess at three things:
1. gender of baby bud
2. date baby bud will arrive
3. weight of baby bud

only one attempt per reader. first come first guess - best to be slightly different from fellow guessers. the winner may find a fun surprise in the mail at some point during bud's first 6 months of life.

(dad - don't worry too much about the official rules). :)

night out with defense

danielle came up last night and we had a great sister evening out! we thought it only right to document the evening and thankfully we had an amazing photographer on hand.

clinton james eat your heart out :) (clinton is d's wedding photographer - we are practicing our serious faces).
i am not as good at being serious as defense. (tk is very proud of this pic - not proud, just thinks it's funny).

i love my beautiful sister so much. and even though our lives are about to change (the coming of bud and her marrying jacob in september) i know we will continue to be dear friends. i just love being with her!

no it isn't a basketball under my shirt...

tk took these today before i went to work. there is a whole lot of baby bud out there for the world to see. :)

in other news: tim and i have been working on beating super mario 3 - well tonight we/tim did it! afterward he said something like - well we certainly have too much free time on our hands, we are good and ready for the baby to come.

38 weeks and a cooler night

38 weeks - can you believe it?! the appointment with the midwife went really well. baby and i are doing great and right on track. and last night i didn't die of heat stroke. we had the fan running prior to getting into bed and had it going all night. it was great! poor tim had to get out of bed twice for more blankets, but i was in heaven!

a difficult night

for the record - being pregnant and sleeping in a warm room don't mix. after a series of great nights of sleeping, we took a major down turn last night. i woke up often from 11-2, very uncomfortable. then around 2 i began to feel nauseous and extremely warm. after laying in bed for some time i decided to wake up tim and ask him to help cool the room down. he immediately got up and went to the garage to get the fan and then brought me a glass of milk. (way to go tim! he is great!) it took my body a while to cool down but finally it did and i was able to fall asleep. the baby was very active through all of this but now seems to be resting. i still don't feel quite right this morning. my guess is not sleeping well is the biggest reason.

we have an appointment with the midwife this morning so i am glad for a relaxing morning at home.

this week and part of next i am training the gal who will be taking over my job. the change of pace is nice but i find myself very tired at the end of the day. i am realizing i have gotten in the habit of doing much of my work and so forgotten how many pieces there are to everyday. and so explaining it all to someone is both fun and tiring. but the light is certainly present at the end of the working tunnel. june 12th will be my last day.

hello june :)

june - it is nice to see you. please be the month our baby is born. you seem like a nice month. you held the day of our wedding (6 years on the 14th!). it would be wonderful if you also held the date for the coming of baby bud.

*be looking for an invitation for some friendly competition - best to be preparing your baby bud guesses - there may just be a prize*