clara's first day of preschool

This sweet girl started preschool last week.  With our decision to send Sam to Kindergarten came another decision to send Clara to preschool - knowing she would be eager to attend school with Samantha away.  And sure enough she was very, very excited to begin school.  She is attending at the same preschool Sam went to last year and is in the three year old class, even though she doesn't turn three for another month.  We are so thankful for a small, safe, warm, familiar place for her to be two days a week.  We ADORE her teachers and are thankful for one of her friends (born the same day!) who is also in her class. 

The first day we walked in and she sat down and said good-bye without much hesitation.  After school she was so excited to show me her "projects" from school.  After a year of seeing the projects her sister was bringing home, she is very proud of her own projects.  We celebrated her first day with a trip to get frozen yogurt (aka ice cream in our house) and pizza - school girl's pick. 

Big girl

I don't think I fully prepared to send Clara off to school.  Last week was hard for me.  In some major ways this marks an end to her 'babyhood'.  Because she has been so excited we didn't feel hesitant to send her to school.  And yet I am feeling the need to pause and reflect and say goodbye to what was a very difficult season for me.  Clara's infant months challenged me in ways I never expected - to be so constantly needed brought me to a place of complete surrender and utter dependence on Jesus.  The Lord used those months so dramatically in my heart by teaching me much about what it means to mother and to allow my identity as a mom to appropriately come further to the center of who I am.  Clara's tenacious spirit as a baby has carried on and serves her well.  She is funny and smart and thoughtful and determined.  Being able to communicate with her about her hopes and desires and needs has made both of our lives easier.  And now she is totally a big girl.  I often though have to remind myself that she is still two (granted three in a month).  She is such a gift and being her mama is one of the greatest joys of my life.  Happy first day of school Clara Louise!!

first lost tooth

Remember the fall Sam took on Labor day?  Well we sure do.  A few days ago her mouth/tooth started showing signs of infection so Tim took her into the dentist.  And sure enough their was infection around the root and the tooth needed to be pulled.  Sam was already enjoying that the tooth was wiggly - so it made logical sense to her that this tooth wanted/needed to come out.  I don't think she realized the fall was the cause of her wiggly tooth and hence what followed...

Yesterday Tim took Sam back to the dentist to have it pulled.  I will spare you the gory details but I was glad to not be there.  She was so so brave - enduring a rough process.  They had to give her the elephant nose, aka laughing gas, towards the beginning to help her calm down.  She wasn't in the place to go to school afterwards so we enjoyed a day at home - with the very big help of my mom. 

She was so excited to see what the tooth fairy would bring her.  After much discussion the tooth fairy decided to give her a new small box of legos and new tooth brush.  She thought it was so funny that the tooth fairy noticed her legos downstairs and so knew just the right surprise to give her. 

One other sweet note about the day was her disappointment of not going to school at all yesterday.  She reported to Tim feeling sad about missing the day and worried about not getting to work on a certain project.  He assured her that her teacher would let her finish her project the following day. 

And this morning for the FIRST time she wasn't sad on the way to school.  (well since the first day).  The transition to Kindergarten has been full of ups and downs - for her and for us.  One of the hardest parts has been talking with her about her sadness from being away from us for the entire day.   Lots and lots of tears. 

ella j

We are one week into our new life - and by new life I don't mean to be dramatic but it very much does feel like entering a new phase of motherhood (but lets be honest, I do tend toward the dramatic).  One week into Kindergarten and there is already much to be thankful for -

sister-love: after a summer of living on top of one another, Sam and Clara are delighting in the time they have together.  there have been dozens of moments where i want to freeze time and remember the sweet ways they are interacting - from playing long in the bath, to imagination with legos, to "i miss you" before school and big hugs after school.  heart melting.

excitement in learning new songs: Sam sings for us sweetly about a candle for peace - not much more than a candle for peace but i could listen to her sing about peace bringing candles for awhile.

meeting a new neighbor girl who happens to be in Samantha's class: i love connecting with neighbors in a new way.

my low grade anxiety is starting to dissipate: for about a week i felt preoccupied with missing Sam and feeling nervous for what she might be doing or encountering.  the last couple of days this has been almost gone.

i feel more energized to engage with Clara and Emmy: i am thankful for more time to be with them, play with them, talk with them.  not having to manage the negative aspects of Sam and Clara's relationship has left me with energy to put into Clara and Em.  granted Clara gets frustrated with Emmy sometimes but it is not the same.  and i am loving these extra moments with these two.

ella j:  samantha's first friend outside the group of the friends we have introduced her to.  we first heard about ella j. a few days ago and their friendship has only grown since.  we got to meet her last night at the school dessert, as well as meet her parents.  they seem like a lovely family and it will be fun to see what comes of their new friendship.  maybe nothing.  maybe something significant.  either way - we are so thankful for a sweet little girl for sam to connect to and feel safe with and get excited about seeing.

walking from our house to school we have to go up a pretty big hill.  last friday sam cried as we walked.  and i cried after i dropped her off.  today there were no tears - and part of that is getting to know a new place and making connections.  i am thankful for a teacher sam is excited to see, a student teacher who is kind and attentive, a friend sam made all on her own and sweet moments of sisterhood at the end of the day.  the 3:00-5:00 window used to be the hardest of our day, waiting for tim to come home, energy just about gone.  now it is my favorite time - reconnecting with sam, seeing the girls love each other and still anticipating the arrival of tim and kellie (our housemate).  one week down.  one week into our new life.  thankful for a God who gives good gifts, who is steady and faithful in the midst of our change.


 

Her first day and other Kindergarten thoughts

I am tempted to go into a long list of reasons for not blogging for nine months - but I won't.  Emmy was born.  and that's about it.  Plus I have been thinking about the purpose of continuing to blog - maybe I will talk more about that some other time.  But Sam starting Kindergarten and desiring to reflect on this transition for our family felt like something to blog about - if only for my own process.  

Here she is looking about as cute as can be - 

Notice her slightly fat lip - yes she had a huge fall two days before the start of Kindergarten.  A fall that included lots of blood, wiggly teeth, calls to urgent care and our dentist and finally a trip to the dentist to confirm it was a big fall but there is not much else to do for now.  Even today her mouth still hurts but things are slowly starting to look better.  She is one tough little lady.  

Kindergarten - geeze.  Coming to this day has been a long journey.  Tim and I took a long time trying to decide whether or not we were going to send her this year.  Having a summer birthday and having a bit of an introverted personality gave us pause, as well as wanting her and Clara to be one year closer in grade and wanting to have her with us one additional year (now and prior to college).  After lots of conversations between us and with a load of other people (her preschool teachers, kindergarten teachers, school teachers, friends), Tim researching, praying and ultimately conversations with her (she has always been SO excited!) - we decided to send her.

Every few days this summer she would ask if it was time to go to Kindergarten.  We did things like buy a hello kitty lunch box, visit the Kindergarten teachers, buy a backpack - after the completion of each of these things she would say, "It feels good to be prepared!"

We would talk about what she would do and what kinds of things she would learn about.  I would tell her I would miss her - to which she responded, "oh mama - you can see me when you pick me up!"

We would talk about her worries - boys being unkind was the main focus.  We would talk about her excitement - having a nice teacher and making new friends and learning to read and write.

The night before her first day we washed her hair, clipped her fingernails, cut her bangs and she said, "wow I am getting fancy!"

The morning of the first day I cried as I got ready.  Remembering her - the baby in my arms with a head of dark hair, the toddler who spoke in her own language, and the little girl who sang her way through the day and was always accessorized (thankfully that hasn't changed).  The little girl who would yell no at old ladies who smiled at her on walks, who adores her dada, and who was constantly decorating her world.

On the way to the school Tim told the story of Sleeping Beauty - his steady words calming all of our hearts.  Sam full of excitement but also nervous.  We got her comfortable in her class and went to a PTA welcome.  She bravely said goodbye as she stenciled a picture of animals and flowers.  We ultimately walked out of the school and I again cried.  Grieving the end of a season of her life, of my life.  Our first baby starting school.  I want to be attentive to the grief, the way her life is changing and how that impacts us.

Today I found myself bouncing between missing her, being drawn to pray and enjoying the time with Clara, Emmy and good friends.  We are in an in between, neutral zone, place - settling into a new routine but we have not yet found our footing.

I hear Jesus saying, "Do not be anxious about anything.  But in everything, with prayer and petition, present your requests to God and the peace of God that transcends all understanding will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus."  I want my anxiety to turn me to Jesus - to pray for Sam - as I again trust her to Him.

Samantha Jean - You are such a brave girl.  This summer you have grown so much - from riding a pedal bike, to learning how to swim, to finding more and more enjoyment from coloring and legos - 5 has already been a fun year.  I am praying for protection for you - physical protection (it would be great if we didn't see that amount of blood again any time soon), emotional protection (your tender heart is sensitive to the words of others), and mental protection (oh for you to know deep in your mind and heart how much you are loved and who the Lord says you are and say true things to yourself).  I am also praying for protection for your imagination and childlike view of the world.  You spend a good part of your day in another land of magic and wonder with fairy princesses, dragons, horses, snakes, kings and queens.  I pray for you to always have a big imagination - to have a life that cultivates wonder and celebrates even the most simple gifts.  You are a precious treasure and we desire to love you well - to make choices for your good - we hope choosing Kindergarten for you this year and our process of making that decision reflects our love.  And in the end we realize the God of Grace who gave us you will cover all things.  I love you, mama