a grace in living, a grace in dying

this morning i am full of emotion - peace, sadness, gratitude, joy

last week with the intention to rest and give tim some space samantha and i went to bellingham. upon our arrival it was clear the Lord had other plans. my grandpa's body was finally wearing out - after 5+ year battle with cancer. we arrived to hear that my grandpa was no longer getting out of bed, eating little and sleeping most of the day and now required 24 hour care.

the week was full of moments i will remember for the rest of my life. sitting by his bed telling him i loved him and am forever grateful for the grandpa he was. holding his hand and rubbing his legs. him talking with tim on the phone, chuckling at his jokes, and then having tim pray for him. tim and i sitting in his room reading him Scripture. seeing his face light up with the sight of samantha. my aunt washing his hair and shaving his face and him boasting that he was getting ready to go to a wedding.

it is hard to watch someone you love and has played such a significant role in your life die. by the end of the week very little of my grandpa was left - only his body really. and last night with his body completely spent, he died.

home. he is now home with jesus.

i asked my grandpa if he was scared to die. he told me he was sad to leave those he loved. but scared, no. he said, "the Bible says it is far better to be in heaven than here on earth and the Bible is always right!" true. the Bible is always right.

my grandpa spent his life as a pastor. and really his pastoring never ended even after he "retired." he was a lover of people. someone who loved to have fun, always quick to play any type of game. he loved baseball. he asked great questions and listened intently to the answers. he wrote thoughtful messages in birthday cards. he kept over 40 sweaters in his closet. he was dedicated to my grandma and spent their 60+ years of marriage serving her. he had a heart to proclaim the Gospel and to see individuals come to know Jesus as their Savior. he took the Bible seriously. he loved Jesus. and i know he heard Jesus say, "well done good and faithful servant! well done!"

thinking about my sweet memories with my grandpa makes me smile and also makes me cry. he was an amazing man. and i believe there was a great welcoming party when he went home - with my uncle jim just behind Jesus to greet him.

"there is a grace in living and a grace in dying," he told me a week ago. and after spending a week with my grandpa i believe it to be true. there is certainly grace in dying.